Dealing with the internal critic

Or

A 12-Step Programme for Coping with Mavis

I have a voice in my head. It never says anything nice. It undermines any attempt I make to write. Examples of the things it says are you're a fraud, you'll never amount to anything and who told you you could write, anyway? On and on and on, wittering ad nauseam.

Sound familiar? You're not alone. It seems like whenever I 'fess up to this internal censor, a common response from fellow-creatives is a stunned good god, you get that too?

Simply put, this inner censor wants me to stop writing. It's been there since I was in my early teens, and shows no sign of going away. Sure, it's had to change its script a little over the past few months what with the launch of my debut novel 'The Palace of Curiosities', but it has simply developed nasty new mantras. One example: when people say they like 'The Palace of Curiosities', they're only being nice.

I used to listen and believe every word I heard. Result? I stopped writing. For years. Call it writers' block if you will. An important part of my writing life has been improving how I deal with these internalised put-downs. I've shared some ideas below – if any of them help, that's great.

1 - First off, I worked out when the voice first appeared. 'Forever' was not an acceptable answer. Speaking personally, my earliest creative efforts were encouraged. However, that changed in my teens when I started to explore the weird, the odd, the different, the opposite of sugar and spice. Suddenly (and it was sudden) the support and praise evaporated. Ta-dah! My internal censor was born at the precise moment in my life when I was developing into an independent person, and it grew fat on raging hormones and adolescent angst.

2 – We are born free of internal censorship – it comes later. My ability to write and my love of writing were both there before the censor. It helped to separate that out.

3 – Another key was to recognise it was a voice in my head, but not 'my' voice. I can separate my self from the put-downs. Who first planted doubts in your head? You sure as hell didn't.

4 - Part of the externalising process was to create a character and give it a name. I call my internal censor Mavis, because it's silly and helps diminish the yap-yap-yap. She is not a huge terrifying demon; she's small and she's squeaky. It's much harder to take such a creature seriously.

5 – She makes herself pretty easy to spot, as her script lacks originality. She trots out the same old tune, the same old words. I recognise Mavis on one of her rants, rather than believing that what she says is true. It isn't.

6 – However, I don't try to ignore her: she just shouts louder. I acknowledge she's there, say hello Mavis; listen to what she has to say, then I get on with whatever it was I was doing. My suggestion? Hear it, note it, move on.

7 - Develop your own practical strategies. One of mine is writing early in the day. Mavis isn't a morning person. I get up before she does, while she's still snoozing. Once I've started and am on a roll it's not so difficult: the blank page is when she's at her most undermining.

8 - I write longhand when I'm starting out, whether it's a novel or a poem. There are many reasons why I do this (and they're the subject of a different blog). As a strategy for getting round Mavis it works like this: to the censor, handwriting is 'scribbling', ie not serious or important. She stops paying attention - and I get to explore ideas without her peering over my shoulder and sneering 'well, that's not very good is it?' If she does start snooping around I say I'm just scribbling. Nothing for you to bother about. I work under the radar and sneak my words past her – rough, unedited words – but words. I can't edit nothing, which is what she's aiming for.

9 – Don't try to reason or argue with the censor. You'll use up all your creative energy and never, ever win. There's no point trying to reason with the unreasonable. My censor says things which logically I know aren't true. But oh boy, does my fearful emotional jelly of a self wobble. That's her power. If I try to engage logic, I end up going in circles. She always has an argument to top mine. She always gets the last word. She's always got a 'yeah, but - '. These arguments leach away time and energy when I could be writing.

10 - Speak out. Say she exists. Stop being ashamed. Stop believing her.

11 - Talk to other creative people. Find out what their internal censors act like. Share strategies for coping.

12 - For years I tried to repress her, ignore her, make her go away. It didn't work. I've accepted I'll never be rid of her. And maybe, just maybe, there's a positive side to all of this head-talk. It keeps me on my toes. With Mavis around I won't become one of those writers who think that every word they commit to paper is perfect and woe betide any foolish mortal who dares suggest they might need to edit the hell out of it.

And if I do become big-headed, blasé or swan around saying do you know who I am? – tell me. Loud and clear.

Workshop: a 10 Step Program for Dealing with the Internal Critic

22 September at 10:00–13:00

GIFT Cafe Chester
Grosvenor Park Road,
CH1 1QQ Chester, Cheshire

Ever write a short story, only to doubt it? Find yourself apologising for your poems when sharing them with others? Do you lie awake at night thinking that your novel might be complete crap?

Welcome to the world of the internal critic.

Come along to this informal and supportive workshop for an introduction to Imposter Syndrome, plus a chance to explore strategies for dealing with your own internal critic.

Tickets are £20/ £10 for concessions/low income
Email tesifypoetrycic@gmail to secure your place!

Rosie Garland is a novelist, poet and singer with post-punk band The March Violets. She also performs cabaret as The Time-Travelling Suffragette & infamous alter-ego Rosie Lugosi the Vampire Queen.
An experienced workshop facilitator, she has worked with organisations as diverse as For Books' Sake, Northern Writers’ Conference, Louder Than Words, Survivors’ Poetry, Apples and Snakes & Pride on Tyne.

Her latest novel, The Night Brother, is out now with Borough Press. She is the author of Vixen, a Green Carnation Prize nominee. Her debut novel, The Palace of Curiosities won the Mslexia Novel Competition and was nominated for both The Desmond Elliott and Polari First Book Prize.
She also has a vicious internal critic called Mavis.

http://www.rosiegarland.com/
https://twitter.com/rosieauthor
Instagram - rosiegarlandwriter
https://www.facebook.com/rosielugosi

Grrrl Con 2017

Fri 16th, Sat 17th and Sun 18th June 2017
presented by For Books’ Sake and Write Like a Grrrl

Date: Friday 16th, Saturday 17th and Sunday 18th June 2017
Venue: We will be using two venues in the city centre of Manchester: Mad Lab and Ziferblat. We’ll send more details about which events are at which venues to our attendees in due course.
Timings: Arrival from 9.30am for a 10am start on each day. Friday and Saturday will finish by 6pm, Sunday by 4.30pm.

Over three days, we’ll champion writing by women and celebrate the women writers we love with a diverse, amazing programme of practical talks, workshops and advice.
Aimed at emerging women writers of all levels, Grrrl Con – presented by Write Like a Grrrl and For Books’ Sake – will provide attendees with the opportunity to connect and collaborate with a nationwide community, while delivering all the essential tools, insight and inspiration to revolutionise your writing craft and confidence.

THE PROGRAMME
Grrrl Con will combine exciting, inspirational talks from established women writers and literary influencers with practical, interactive workshops aimed at equipping attendees with new tools, insights and approaches.
Each day will feature talks from the UK’s most innovative and original women writers, along with a range of workshops, with attendees able to tailor their individual itineraries to best suit their own personal writing aims and ambitions. There will be optional evening activities throughout the weekend.
INCLUDING
Practical interactive workshop from…
Rosie Garland: “One of the country’s finest performance poets” (Apples & Snakes), and the author of three novels (The Palace of Curiosities, 2013; Vixen, 2014; and The Night Brother, forthcoming in 2017), and six solo poetry collections. She has has received the DaDa Award for Performance Artist of the Year, the Diva Award for Solo Performer, and a Poetry Award from the People’s Café, New York.

http://grrrlcon.com/

Cost: A weekend ticket costs £120. There’s also an option to sponsor a place for a grrrl who would otherwise be unable to attend.
For Books’ Sake and Write Like a Grrrl operate on a non-profit basis, and all revenue from ticket sales will be used to bring you the best speakers and workshop facilitators in the UK.
Your ticket fees will go directly to covering costs and ensuring fair payment for the women writers involved, ensuring the programme for the weekender is as powerful, practical and inspirational as possible.